HIKIKOMORI

< by ellen kennedy and tao lin >

dear ellen

i downloaded 'cat heaven' by jets to brazil off soulseek. i like this song. i like jets to brazil. i think some people are very influenced by high school and always stay like they are in high school. in high school the more girls you have sex with the better you are. in high school you can't show fear or uncertainty or that there is something about sex or drugs that you don't know. and you should always threaten to beat the shit out of people and not care about helping weak people or animals or being considerate. i think some people are able to view all things equally. they are not obsessed with any one thing unless sarcastically. i think matthew rohrer when he writes about sex in his poetry he writes about it like it is the same as anything else. it is just a thing like taking a shit or eating asparagus. people talk about eating food a lot but not as much about taking a shit. to a robot these things are the same. they are each a thing. everything is just a thing. nothing is more important than anything else.

i like to think about 'a bed of asparagus' or 'a bed of soft white fish.'

i've never seen a white fish. i think a white fish would make my heart beat faster. when i think about a white fish i think its eyes have to be white too and it should be solid white with no red gills or gray lips showing. i like fish lips. when i was small i ate fish lips. i liked eating the lips. the skin is the tastiest part of fish i think because that is where the fat is. fat tastes good because people who thought that fat tasted good in the ice age lived longer because they ate the fat which had more calories. they lived longer and had sex more and the ones who thought fat tasted bad had less calories and less energy and sat down and didn't have as much sex and didn't pass on their genes.

i don't like it when people make fun of people who believe in 'intelligent design.' i think a lot of liberals feel superior because they don't believe in 'intelligent design.' if you go to a liberal fundraiser and especially a literary one everyone will make jokes about how george bush is stupid and that intelligent design is stupid and that's what they'll say, pretty much, that 'george bush is stupid' and 'intelligent design is stupid,' and everyone will laugh and feel proud at how good they are and how their group is better than the other group of people.

these are .04 percent of the reasons why i am afraid to leave my 8 foot by 8 foot apartment room except at 3 a.m. once a week on monday morning to buy instant noodles and fermented soy beans to cook on my hot pot from the convenience store.

tao

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